I AM FEELING SO FXXXX UP... SO SAD WITHIN ME NW.. i oso duno y.

Y would it so pain for me ...even painful den my brk up with my ex ar? Arghhhhhh I hated dis feelin..I wanna vent it all out..even go club, drink oso no use this time. Even my nice frens offered bring me go nice place to chill @ 4am - Henderson Waves.. it sorta made me emo and reali felt like leavin SG to go find Serene or wad..quit my job and all..but my study loan had to pay lo..I cant go lidat...! =(

I still on off sms him2 - and surprisingly he dint scold me or stop sms..I jus said - gd morn take care - he replied U too..well better den dun hav rite? Ya ya will try dun sms him!

Den ard noon..he sms me he sent GQ to clinic cos he gt an acute pain on his bac...and could tell he suffering like mad..and he told me he den sent him hm - he on 2 daes mc..and best part - He told me he dun hate GQ liao seein his condition lidat.. I jus replied gd to hear dat and ask him take care while workin at site. Den i told him I very stressed over work and studies.. I needa a JIA YOU sms frm him- if he nt ok its fine..he reali sent me a sms - Press On JEN.. ok la be it he did it for the sake i askin him or wad..@ least he bothered and i shld feel contented. I told him I wanna a HUGS sms but tinking he might find it weird so I abolished the tot. He dint reply le...........haiz. I told him2 i mus treat GQ even sweeter and better cos he seemed so ke lian! He oso no reply! I guess he would nt hav reason to be jealous anymore..somemore i weepin nw !!! Haiz.

Hope GQ can recover soon.

Saw him2 fb post shoutout - OMG I GETTIN MARRIED IN 29 DAES.. WOOHOO and seein many comments to congrat him.. I felt so so... =( I could nt even as a fren write on his wall to wish him..would he scold me? Shld i get his permission to do so ? Seriously I tink he totali nt affected by the 1 yr + and jus short term feelings for me..wadever he feelin nw..I reali happy for him and wished him the best..to me is damn painful n dreadful.. And i tink he so gonna njoy his honeymoon in Switzerland ( accordin to wad he wrote some places) - my assumption only! He would forget me totali...mayb cos of work den no choice gt to ACT friendly wif me..whether i tinkin too much or misunderstood him oso nt impt..I nvr expect it b so drama - gg thru this lousy period when the person u liked or used to like is gonna be other ppl's hb. Ya we were nt meant to be in the 1st place..but YESH I HAV FEELINGS AND ITS NORM! Jus once in awhile tink bac the gd memories will be gd ba..mayb i oso bz den will forget him gradually. I reali feel sooooooooooooooo
UPSET NT COS THE BRIDE NT ME..ITS COS Y MUS WE START 1 YR AGO AND WE CANT CONTINUE TO BE LIKE LAST TIME?!

I seriously tink he nvr liked me @ all..like this I would feel so much better........he get on with his life..i will struggle wif mine. Ya todae UOB bank gt bac to me and said they wld be processin my loan - only up to $5100 if its approved. I still short of another $600+..I tink i will apply another fast cash or wad..dun wanna let my dad worry! I rather suffer myself. Dat dae i jus zzz till nxt dae w/o takin dinner cos v v upset over alot of things! Fannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

By Mon, I would noe the results..I hav tried HSBC..duno y nvr get bac, nw only can count on dis, POSB and UOB..wish me luck..if nt i tink i reali duno wad to do.. recently my besties duno wad happened all took turns to run into some probs..hope they b ok soon!

Ya Serene sis comin bac tomoro - yeah~ though it seemed like wrong timing and all..I would try my best to mit her and b less EMO cos needa helped her with her weddin stuffs..she hardly come bac lo.

Sianz..todae received news dat i may need to make lotsa passes like last proj..worked dae n nite..but nw i still hav to cope wif my studies..I oso duno hw long i can tahan! With all dis I'm facin nw............hopefully weekend nt burnt! Dec exams so mus faster settle loan n study le..EMO comes after exams ba..he oso wont miss me at all..so the more i mus b pretty, healthy and showed him i can move on w/o him! I tot I would be strong but undergg all dis nw..its reali a nutty challenge lo =( Sobz. Liking some1 is wantin him to b happy..crap drama lines rite..in reality hw many ppl can do dis ar?

Ya no matter hw..lookin fwd to see his weddin fotos on fb..mus b v gd turnout..u can say i siao but i jus wanna see. Somehw or rather..his future wife considered xingfu to hav him cos he still rational !!

I JUS WAN SHOUT HERE :
HIM2 I REALI MISS U ALOT ALOT...............................there is no turning pt le..wish U the best!
hope i wont blog abt him soon as time goes by!
waiting for u to say ur tots but i noe it wont happen...well.. leave it as a gd closure ba..cos noein the ugly truth, i may/ may nt take it any longer!