Clap clap for myself on this date : mus remember it! 21 October 2009 @ 12pm.
I summoned all my courage and forced myself to make a decision - to end with him2.
Nt easy cos i tried many times on off and we still hav our saga going on.
Todae during lunch..i finally sms him - I told him let me be the bad guy ..cos i understand all his frustrations and very bz prep for his weddin in dec. Ya i pretended nt to noe the date but i NOE! Be it he reali liked me nw nt impt anymore. I will giv him my blessings sincerely to a new chapter of his life! And since i happened to duno y i would go and see my ex fb profile - wad a shock i gt bac..( his status actuali MARRIED( le. Nope I had long gotten over him but its way too fast rite? Ok la..i nt jealous jus feeling well............nt emo but well..i hav woke up frm 1st part of my long dream.
2nd part of dream : I thanked him2 for being my emotional suppt dis 1yr plus.. since my ex oso married and he oso, its better to end nw. He got ever tell me when we 1st started- after dec we can still be frens. WELL.. no one noes wad will happen in future for nw..i told him if no choice we gt work to liaise with, we mus be professional enugh. I see him will still be friendly jus like hw i treat everyone. I was v happy to receive his sms dat he agreed to let go oso. He told me he intended to and hope i can understand..there was no way he could hold me up any longer and he thanked me for being understanding and asked me to take care. I told him amicably - hao lai hao san ma..we had been lidat so long..some gd memories i would keep its gd enugh. Wanna mit /call him for last time..be it me or him will b soft hearted..I guess redundant..cant be so drama..hugged each other and said bye. I told him he can finally set his mind @ ease and i can focus on my studies..partly cos i slowly tink its v taxin for me @ dis stage ..gg class and takin train bac alone..i am still learning..so far so gd..*giv myself a pat* =) I have my dearies to turn to ...I teared abit in office..asking Paige to lend me her shoulder. Well she xmm and oso a rookie in rs..she jus sat thea and let me talk and gav me a hug..well better den nothin. She only noe i like a guy but we nt meant to be. I reali cannot tahan any longer..so i talked to my close malay engineer..i oso tell him vaguely but cos he is a guy ma..can giv me advice. He said i am reali nt a simple gal as in nt all gals can b so strong like me. My strong willed is reali my quality = X factor. I reali use brains to tink and nt follow my heart to do..cos both of us believe..follow heart always lead to wrong moves..and outcome norm backfired!
Kinda felt disappointed..y cant him2 call and say bye or wad..i noe he duno hw to face me for nw..but since i have chosen this rite path, i hav to take things in my stride. Dearies dun worry..i jus need time to digest all dis..meanwhile still hav to go to work. Jus dat seein his coy sub cons come to see or anything related to his coy or him..i reali v xingku lor. And walking thru some premises within my office cant help tink of him2. And I noe for nw - he or his pickup or car wont ever appear in frnt of me anymore at least for nxt few mths. Initially when we are jus frens stage to NW..he got ai mei wif me and v xingku oso..he still told me jus frens nothin else..den we stopped contactin for 3 mths. Work wise he would send his colleagues or supvr come unless no choice - he would call me and 1st thing he would say - its work ok..very impt and said cos fang bian call my hp..i told him dun misuse my hp hurhur..Even he came to find me abt work..we reali v clear cut..nothin more , nothin less! Kinda funny and bo liao think bac- we quarralled alot in sms abt our "unknown" rs and kept on avoidin each other. Most of the time was me last time..cos i am RATIONAL! Ok la..both of us ever did stupid but sweet things for each other..let all dis be buried in my heart and case closed. *Contented* I being hurt by 3rd party b4 so i clearly can put myself in other ppl shoes.
This time round..we gonna nt contact for duno hw long..no matter hw i will still stick firmly to my decision!
I tink and i noe i have grown stronger..i oso cannot believe myself..i can handle situations better. Listening to radio nw - Rainie Yang Ai Mei - reali suits my mood nw! I dun norm like a guy dat fast..mayb he jus came at DAT dwn time during my brkup ba.
Ya 2 news in 2 daes - ex and him2..i jus wanna cry it all out and after dat jus move on frm thea. Cos my studies nt going to get ez...still hav 2 addtional elective mod..my god!
Whether we can still be frens..no one noes..its up to HIM more i feel.
*Period*..feeling sad cos i oso unknowingly fall for him..dun care his part whether hw he feelin or is it he reali burnt his fingers le and he decided to end early..(initially we agreed late Nov)No diff la..bring fwd !
THANK YOU DARLINGS FOR STANDBY ME AND CALLING ME/ SMS / EMAIL ME TODAE. No need hear me tok abt him2 drama ramas anymore..arent u all glad?
Jen will learn frm her pain and moved on..She needa time too ..meanwhile lucky gt studies to divert!
Temp no rm for noein new guys or will like any1 for nw - very tired.. jus wanna work properly and focus on my study!
I am so happy dat i can still move on and so rational this 1 yr plus..as in nt reali all OVER HIM. Liking is nt wrong , but wrong timing i guess. Regardless ku ming ye hao, mo lian ye hao..i gotta da qi jing shen lai...tinking abt my hard earned $ nt a joke lo!
I guess he will get over sooner den me or rather he wont b affected at all..haiz..nt impt la..at least nobody gonna get hurt anymore!
BYE HIM2 AND HOPE I CAN STAND ON MY FEET AGAIN. No matter hw hard..i MUS DO IT!
*sobz*
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Been so bz so lately..except Ah Na and Justin..the rest of my dearies i got no time for them. They oso busy lor. Managed to squeeze some time out for Trish nearing to her weddin dae. Slowly acomodatin to their schedule ba..
This time round - our chilling place @ Stanley St - Sweet Indulgence. As mentioned in the webbie..reali a small and cosy place. Luckily we need nt take great pains to find this shop cos both of us lost touch of TANJONG PAGAR.
Overall food tasted alright, they served western. We had pasta =p Cust svc was ok..mayb cos very few ppl when we went. Sometimes mus reali encounter urself..webbie comments dun reali count de..oso see is it ur lucky dae to dine thea ba! 1 of the chefs co-called bio us oso leh hurhur! we both heart the TIRAMISU cake.=p I so happy she shared with me her upcomin weddin prep, i only can listen cos i nt @ dat stage. And she appointed me as her personal fotographer - she would borrow frm a fren a polaroid and i would be helpin to take all the guests as she wanna keep it as memory in her weddin guest bk. *Honoured* hope i dun gabra. She told me more or less the schedule. See pics attached. I even took great pains jus wanna take the road sign - STANLEY ST. Nearby got construction gg on..the workers tot wad i doin man..haha! Reali happy for her dat she found her MR RITE - MR HENG. Better dun bully her if nt..i will hantam him. But Trish u mus fly me thea hor. Haha.
And cos we were too tired le..we went hm early ard 10plus. And hor we took train le..so guai rite! hee. Another foodie xploration mission accomplished. More to come cos she b leavin for US on 20 Dec so will try mit her often nw and den. I so gonna miss her ..............=(
This time round - our chilling place @ Stanley St - Sweet Indulgence. As mentioned in the webbie..reali a small and cosy place. Luckily we need nt take great pains to find this shop cos both of us lost touch of TANJONG PAGAR.
Overall food tasted alright, they served western. We had pasta =p Cust svc was ok..mayb cos very few ppl when we went. Sometimes mus reali encounter urself..webbie comments dun reali count de..oso see is it ur lucky dae to dine thea ba! 1 of the chefs co-called bio us oso leh hurhur! we both heart the TIRAMISU cake.=p I so happy she shared with me her upcomin weddin prep, i only can listen cos i nt @ dat stage. And she appointed me as her personal fotographer - she would borrow frm a fren a polaroid and i would be helpin to take all the guests as she wanna keep it as memory in her weddin guest bk. *Honoured* hope i dun gabra. She told me more or less the schedule. See pics attached. I even took great pains jus wanna take the road sign - STANLEY ST. Nearby got construction gg on..the workers tot wad i doin man..haha! Reali happy for her dat she found her MR RITE - MR HENG. Better dun bully her if nt..i will hantam him. But Trish u mus fly me thea hor. Haha.
And cos we were too tired le..we went hm early ard 10plus. And hor we took train le..so guai rite! hee. Another foodie xploration mission accomplished. More to come cos she b leavin for US on 20 Dec so will try mit her often nw and den. I so gonna miss her ..............=(
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Late entries would hav to wait ..sorry! I will try rush up on dat.
Recently reali no mood..vexed over my sch study loan..tried many banks,many legal ways of finance either processing or rejected. Nt dat i wanna all dis to happen, jus plain swayness ba. Rite nw i jus hope faster resolved my study loan and LL i hav to continue study if nt i would be paying DBS bank mthly like the biggest fool on earth! Nw fingers crossed on RHB bank. - Ya nt proud to say - but ya I was one of the affected Brookes Student. Cant blame Feli though she kept sayin sorry to me..LL mus continue my studies @ SMA. They absorbed my $20K sch fees frm Brookes and i gotta top up 5k+ for the remaining cse fees. When i saw the news on TV, i dint cry @ all, jus felt dat hav to face reality. I dint bother to file suit cos waste time and $. I do nt hav dat kind of $$ either. I dint wana my parents to worry so i jus LL suck thumb undergo this myself. My close dearies all in the loop le..i dun intend tell any1 but bottled up reali xingku =( Thanks guys for listenin to me and showin concern! Reali appreciate it!
Long time i dint reali cry out..everyone who knew me all deem me as a strong gal. I do agree in the 1st place. I always tot hee haa in office wif ppl ard me and work would go on frm thea! I wont bring my probs to work de, dun wan affect ppl ard me. Since my ex boss left, my dept morale had been DWN DWN DWN! Partly cos of my Asst Mgr Mr guncheong - everything he would ask us, even simple stuffs. Haiz. Dat dae even colleagues buay tahan him and so-called sent him an email to voice out our dept was like a plate of scattered sand nw..for those workin on par at site de. I was not involved. I even helped to be meditator for 2 of my colleagues - they buay gam each other and dun wish communicate so 1 of them - Paige dint noe wad to do..she went straight to HR mgr..Haiz. Den my Asst Mgr gt screwed up by her. He came bac yelling @ Paige. He forced to open a mtg for my malay engineer and Paige and I would be the so-called "JURY". I dared nt take all credit for prob solved. But i did try to talk to 2 parties and see wads wrong and lucky its resolved nw. I told them we as a team no matter hw mus unite NW..worse throw tables and chairs oso MUS VOICE OUT. Diff ppl hav diff workin methods unless one of them intend to lve here and wont see each other again. Hurhur..they all praised me i had gd interpersonal skills..=.= They thanked me for helpin me to voice out their tots and feelings and i told them no more nxt time!
Yest ..duno wad happened...v emo.. shld hav gt used to answerin phone calls frm banks saying loan nt approved, needa another guarantor etc..........but somehw i felt the most urge to cry yest. Buried myself @ work. Recently got 1 batam colleague transferred bac to my office time being - his name was Helmi, 34 yrs old short and bb face. cannot reali say he v irritating and kept disturbing me..but well he oso can tell i tryin v hard to entertain him! Uncle Jarn noe i fan findin guarantor for my cse dats all he noes..he gt reasons cant help me if nt he sure help..he told Helmi - they gd frens ma..Helmi heard le came towards to help me..touched by this act. I duno him well he oso willingly to help. Mayb i ren yuan hao..nw he is the standby guarantor..last resort le.
Classes @ SMA had started on 5 oct..total 4 lessons le - Biz Law and Accs. reali cannot get used gg class alone and takin train bac..used to mit Feli and always found her presence very fan cos she would keep repeatin her same old probs abt prep her weddin. Lucky her weddin over le.. and she went to another sch EASB at Henderson Rd. Kinda miss those daes haha!
Duno is fate or wad.. SMA jus behind BRookes..so gotta walk bac the same path to go class. Everytime walked past the empty bldg, made me v emo and wanna cry out. But i told myself to be strong and i needa walk thru thea for the nxt 2yrs +. Can alight @ bugis but ppl traffic alot lor. My new sch admin guy Alfred a very blur one and duno is it i was nt officially enrolled directly - kept on askin me dwn to fill up forms , let me wait and i asked him qns he dint noe hw to ans me - exemption of cses..lucky his colleague a lady Joanne helped me and finally gav me my timetable. Exasperating la! Thanks Susan sis for acc me dwn everytime to face dat guy. I noe she is pissed off too given her gd temper! RHb banker Melvin promised to get bac to me nxt mon/tues. I so called had to plea wif him and he knew abt my case..he said will try my best to appeal for me. Cos i duno y...the bank gt such rule nw - guarantor cant be 60 yrs and above? My dad jus nice 60 le. Haiz. Ya i told him to be my guarantor..- nt to let him worry i told him i completed my 1st lvl of studies..so i needa top up $ to further on.. Sorry for lyin instead i dun wish to see his worried face. he recently nt feelin well oso! I do nt wish to borrow $ frm him cos he oredi helpin my bro to pay his cse fees - every 3 mths 3k+. I tink he still hav the ability to help me with my 5k+ but i do nt wish to reali make him worry lo..( Thanks Biaomei for comin fwd to help me with being my guarantor though we knew chances v low.) So nw hav to wait haiz.
Sorry i blogged pcs and thea cos feeling v emo while writin. Bear with it! I worked till 8pm den reached hm.
Listenin to my mp3 kept on repeating the song - Ban Qing Ge (1 of the theme song frm taiwan drama show- ming zong zu ding wo ai ni) kept ringing in both my ears. Sad song and made me teared quietly in cab on my way hm. Brookes incident i dint cry jus felt worried and wu nai though i dint show it out when meetin up wif frens or wad. Nvr took dinner..jus kept on listening to my mp3 and cried myself to zzzz. My sis was shocked to see in dis state. she more or less noe y i cryin la..but she dared nt come and ask me. So sweet of her to sms me jus nw sayin can try other banks and thanks for her concern. Everyone wana help but all *helpless*. Its ok i jus blame myself dats all to get myself in dis hell hole! Even loan approved, gt additional 300+ to pay to bank. Lucky my salary finally hit 2 le..if nt i reali duno hw. Hav to b reali frugal and well if i needa attend class, got assignments..dun tink i hav time to hiao and shop @ all le.
You all mus b curious abt HIM2 updates rite? Been mths i nvr mention him ! everytime tok abt him damn long entries and mei wan mei liao! Time flies..me n his saga been 1yr+ le..nope we still no time to mit up and reali spend time. Sometimes i jus try my luck sms him to come and see me ..he reali try his best and stay awhile only. And i hated dis..cos his walke talkie would keep on beepin and callin him! He started to spare a tot for my feelings and wont anyhw throw temper on me when he felt pek chek or nt enugh zz.. All dis add up to : he reali stopped treatin me dis way!
So many times, i tried to end this rs..jus let him work and be bz..and i jus move on frm thea. We dint offically get togther so i guess no need a formal closure. Many times i jus pretended to agitate him and be demanding so dat i can piss him off..he would still explain to me and so called giv in to me. Given his temper..he would hav bo chup me. time to mit up and etc..after dis 1 yr +, he shld noe i wont giv in to dat at all. Diff ppl hav diff pts of views and seein things @ diff angles. I cannot stop him or any of U to tink wad kind of guy he was..and wad he wanna frm me - physical or emotional bal.. haiz. Gt few times i so wanna see him and asked him to send me hm so dat i can hug him for the last time w/o tellin him anything..So drama rite? hurhur but seriously he had donated his time to work. I even dreaded gg to work cos only weekdaes i can see or sms him! Esp when so many things had happened.
I was quite taken aback to see him2 reply :his temper..its reali a turn off for me..but nw.. well....its weird hw rs works in dis way!
Ok since i tink shld be safe to write here..
His direct reply :
Besides he unknowingly likes me, all along he respects me as a woman..he gt ever tink its ok for us to get into dat intimate rs cos unknowinlgy we togther 1yr+..for a norm rs - its norm to hav it le..but i told him we are nt official togther. And he wont need to waste time on me..jus find some1 who would willing to hav this kind of wu dong with him ba. He said he knew all along dats y he nvr ever brot up this to me..and till nw..he dint noe he fell for me and rather dun bring up this cos he do nt wan lose me as a fren or wad..he dint say..*luan rite* he told me he knew my character by nw dats y, if he reali wanna, he could hav easily find time and make effort to spend more time on me and things may happen unnaturally /naturally. Frm my pt of pessimistic view..some guys can reali wait long to bed a gal or wanna possess her in his fan wei be it wad kind of possession -fling/ affair/ ai mei .. to him - v direct he told me - if 1 dae i ever wanna frm him, he would b v happy to comply. I told him the dae would nvr come and he said yes he knew it and jus wana cherish this rs cos we wont noe wad would happen. I try to tell him i v tired and wanna end. He said he had prep himself dat by the time i noe new guys or gt myself a bf..he b happy for me too..but still tinkin i would still hav feelings for him.
My guy frens view : him2 reali liked me..no norm guy can wait dat long ..somemore work so taxin no pt bring himself extra trouble and he reali unknowingly show his temper to me cos he reali treat me as his gf. No time or dun wan commit further scared he sinked further or wad..is a big ? they told me given a norm rs i am ok to be with him..given nw..they worried for me n him oso! cos the way him2 behaved expected me to understand his job schedule etc..besides the i am nt the official gal la. but be thea for him! They even joked..which guy wont like me if they reali can dong qing lidat... My ex so xingfu to hav me for so long...ya cos i am a stupid woman ma! =S
Gal frens pt of view - nah he jus wanna bed me..no loss ma..waiting for rite time..so bz of cos no time la..but they oso agreed him2 reali fell for me and v selfish for him to hav best of both worlds to bal his life. Dun wanna me to get hurt but since i agreed to let this rs develop..i am oredi slowly bruised..lucky i oso dint make much effort...but feeling itself oredi kills me no nid mention deep love or wad. Will come to a stop no worries! I WILL! *tired*
Mayb i gt intention to reali wanna let go..it jus came suddenly frm me this kind of bewildered action like wad i did to my ex. Mayb I use wrong approach on him2 le.
I called him on thu...1st ring he answered..i straightaway asked -reali so bz ar? y nvr reply my sms and asked can send me hm ma..he said nt able to cos he needa send workers bac daily to quarters duno wad time can go hm. i jus lamented ok noted.. i brave rite..even i jus jia jia b demanding...i tot wanna piss him off and say bye frm thea. I told him no reply sms, no call me, no mit me, no send me...jus get bz..and b4 i called him - i asked am i still his dear anot.. i forced him to giv me ans on phone..he kept quiet den said nt convenient to talk , he in office..ya i heard ppl talkin to him abt work. I noe he quite pek chek but he jus tahan my nonsense. He den told me calmly he workin ma..so noisy hw to call me and reply me when he kept travellin in his pickup..mtg , inspection etc..i say cos he manager ma..so many things to see to somemore he those type of responsible worker..cant help lo. Everytime he said sorry cos of work i be so pissed off..duno y..even he gt real proof show me his schedule! I asked is it i am the "xiao" de den being treated this way.. he oso kept quiet! Jus assured me dun tink so much..wth la..i dun wan hear dis!
I noe i am being difficult to him but i needa be lidat if nt i b xing ruan again. Sobz. He told me he would call me bac..i said he wont de la and no nid..go get bz ba..
To my surprise..he dropped me a sms to say he sorry and he reali hav additional tasks nw, time is even tight no time he can squeeze time for me nt dat he dun wana. Den i replied its ok go work ba. And HE REALI CALLED ME BAC AND WHEN I HELLO - HE SAID to me in a v gentle tone : I REALI WORKIN LA..DUN BE LIDAT K..I NT IGNORIN OR AVOIDIN U LA.SEE I CAN CALL BAC I WILL AND I NT BEING HOSTLE TO ME AT ALL LA.he said V fan and i added fuel - so U TINK I FAN LA..WITH THOSE SMS AND TAXIN HIM WIF HIS BZ LIFE..he said no la he recently nt in gd mood la cos of work ..many probs @ site. If he dun care..y he bother to call bac? Den duno wad he wanna say..he den kept quiet den some1 callled him again..i jus said i am gg hm le.. On my way to mit Susan for dinner.. i kept tinkin wad he wana tell me..y he felt so apologetic suddenly..i jus let it be..feelin puzzled.
Yest somethin happened again..i oredi dun feel gd and v bz le.. as usual i sms him morning..dis 2 mths i oredi cut dwn alot on sms-ing him..i wanna this habit to diminish soon.. hard on me le. I shld reali stop for fear he reali sink further.. i always dun tink i hav such effect on him de and he wont like me so much oso. wadever la.. He sms me abt work so i replied only work come find me den i called him and he needed help for his campaign.. he sounded v sian and jus told me wad his concept was -i told him i needed a sample to see he jus said its ok den he find other ways. Den he said he bz cannot talk le..i oso dun intend to talk more. *awkward silence*and i put dwn the phone.
Ard evening..i called him at 5plus..2nd ring oso nvr ans..so i sms wad time go hm i will stay late etc..he replied cant ans call, mtg @ 6pm..anythin impt. Den i told him sorry to disturb jus wanna noe he still need help and can send me hm ma..
Guess wad...he sms me - i reali duno wana cry or feel happy about this.
His reply : when i see this.. i tahan till i gt in cab den cry out..haiz. Though i am alone in office. I cannot take it anymore + sch stuffs.. tired and taxin everydae waitin for bank /sch to call me.
HIS REPLY WAS : OF COS I AM IRRITATED COS U NT UNDERSTANDIN WAD..I REALI BZ WIF WORK. CALL TWICE I REJECT UR CALL AND STILL CALL/SMS ..I REALI HAVIN TOUGH TIME PREP FOR STUPID MTG AND SO TIRED LE..UR CONSTANT CONCERN WAS OK INITIALLY AND I FELT TOUCHED. BUT WHEN I ANS UR SMS U START TO FLOOD MSGS.(which i dint le..only sms him wrong time again ma)! HERE IS AN EG. I REPLY A WORD U SAY I DAO OR GIV COMMENTS..DUN REPLY U AT ALL REALI HARD TO REPLY LAGI WORST..U WILL SAY I IGNORE U. HW..U TELL ME WAD TO DO LA..SIGH..THE TRUTH ALWAYS HURT ALRIGHT. I TRY TALKIN NICELY TO U LE..U SEEM SO BO CHUP!
my reply :
i noe u nt gd mood recently cos i noe u bz with many things.. oredi nt enugh rest..i oso dun sms u alot nw..noein u jus recovered frm fever and gan mao..i only can say take care. And u mus get this - i only can sms u during office hrs when u the most busy..reply 1 word i noe u bad mood or damn bz and i b worried cos u always told me u got back stabbed etc.......mayb my approach was wrong..too guncheong over U le.
i called 2 times cos i jus wanna ask can send me hm ma( i plan to say end again, of cos he duno la, b4 he sinked further, i will be the bad guy). I may call/sms wrong time again and i wanna say sorry! I commented on those dun mean de cos mayb i nt feelin v gd oso. Y u so worked up over wad u shld do for me dear? If u reali find me irrtitatin and wanna end i will accept ur decision..i will still suppt u at work- sorry again.. he nvr reply le..went for mtg le..i bad mood so i bo chup oso.
Below dis: he dint noe - jus my tots..I even edit his name in my hp frm dear dear(dat time so stupid still ask him for permission to put his name as dear, and he said can y nt?) to jus his name le..this long dream i somehw hav to wake up soon le.
U sometimes left me thea feelin so mo ming qi miao.. can come suddenly and see me reali 10 mins lidat oso gd.. den always dun talk since we are alone only..can jus say u come see me ..y say u come report to me le =.= den u can jus stand thea lookin @ me work and reali stood thea till i try find somethin to tok to U. U dun dare come beside me giv me a quick hug or hold my hands..den u reali come and jus stand thea..weird rite? I told U i gg mini mart buy mineral water..after u left..i came out and saw ur pickup..U were wif ur worker..u could hav drive off and say bb to me..U funny lo..saw me tokin to my office boi and got off to say hi to him. Den gt ppl ard ma..office boi walked off..u asked me some weird stuffs like - this bldg the chairs/tables can take ma..cos reno ma..he wanna those.. i looked @ him blur blur and said hav to ask shipyard side ba..den he said ok thanks and went bac to his pickup. I walked alone to mini mart..came bac still see him ard in his pick up wif his worker..talkin..den when i walked past , he scrolled dwn window and said bye eh u bac le.. I was blur and said huh u still here tot u left le..and he jus smiled @ me. I went bac office sms him is it waitin for me..he jus replied wad u tink ar and commented my bac view v nice le with my long hair swayin like mtv. =__=
Dat dae more funny - u came suddenly told me u were smelly and bz at site...so bz..but u popped by say hi and to see me.. ya i was happy to see U. I offered u wet tissues to clean up..u said lidat den MAN ma.. =.= den i jus stared @ u askin u to use la..and u guai guai wiped ur face and den u asked for 1 more to clean ur hands.. U said u like my office cos always gt nice smell and can take a breather and can talk to me..U nvr talk lo..hurhur..our eyes talked ba. Den i commented lucky i dun come near U..so smelly and dirty...u so zai yi for wad ? B4 u left..i bu xiao xin bio dao u bu she de leave le..stood @ my door thea..lookin @ me again..i jus acted ignorant lo..den u came bac wanna shake hands with me..is this so called hold my hands ar? U asked me to reali take care of myself..dun overwork myself ..wad all dis imply? *confused* is this ur so-called unknowingly do stupid things which u nt aware oso!
I gonna be the bad guy soon..i cant write u a letter..cant bomb ur sms with so much i wanna say..where and hw can i channel all this to u ar? hw would u feel after i voiced out? I seriously dint expect things would turn out lidat. Play bois /jerks seen alot le..but U reali exceptional lo! When U voice out..i choose to hav doubts and dun wana believe u 100% for fear i cannot b rational..so i always kept remindin myself - u jus wanna bed me on X dae and after dat u gonna move on with ur life be it another woman will surface..its none of my biz anymore. Dis whole thing shld cum to an end le..1yr+ as my float to reply on is reali gd enugh ! Time to move on since i oso forgotten abt him1 totali le.
My biz law lecturer expected us to pass cos he mentioned only a moron would fail his paper..no 1 ever let him dwn..jus pass he oso happy cos we working adults. My class mostly xmms and xdds and 1 auntie..all seemed so determined to get dat cert lo. I even felt the stress nw and he liked to ask us tricky random qns..i nt a very studious person but wad to do..jus pass 1 time pain gotta get it done!
Todae woke up at 5pm..sorry Ah Na i reali wanna be left alone and dun wish tok to any1 le..duno y i woke up cryin again..and decide to blog all dis dwn! Its jus my tots and i hav bottled up real long. I dun wish to make it like i am so ke lian nw and expected anyone to empathsie besides me n him2 part le..cryin like a water tap for few hrs..gonna go bac to my books. I tink i oso no voice to talk oso. Thanks dad for helpin me da bao..1st meal of the dae. And ya i lost 1kg if my weighin scale still works. I felt so sorry Dearies for bringing me ard to eat and helped me gain weight ..but nw i hav to disappoint u all le..no need feed me for nw..no appetite as long as my bank loan nt settled. Will still try other banks ..ya la try try try until no way out!
I oso duno hw i can cheer myself for nw..i noe Tiff , Ah Na and even Uncle Vin missed me cos norm weekends i be over spendin time wif them..but todae i jus wanna be left alone. Sorry dearies..i hope to tide thru this myself..since I am a strong gal..i believe i can do dis! Needs time..8yrs + rs oso jus passed and i moved on..sch incident made me even wanna study harder - pumpin in my reali hard earned $ , @ work try my best to accede to all requests..wad more ..? I am clueless for nw!
Yesh v emo - rs failed, studies failed, even as a daughter oso failed to giv my parents any comfort for nw..and age is catchin up with me..if there is this guy out thea who reali loves me and treats me well in 3 yrs time frame..i will jus marry him ba be it i love him anot ..of cos mus b pleasant lookin and can click with me in a way.. I can giv my parents grand children as a jiao dai..depends on my bro - duno when he b mature enugh given this state nw. After i get my degree and still single..den i only can say i am being an unfillial daughter le..only can provide them with more time and more comforts i can shower them with.
Dat dae outside waiting for Ah Na and family for lunch at Tamp 1..saw a bunch of elderly walked pass me..suddenly I wanna cry and v emo..my parents eventually b lidat oso..joinin those CC 1 dae tour and reflectin wad i hav done for these 28 yrs as a daughter.
But its reali gd to cry it all out nw. Even listen to hip hop i oso can jus cry lidat..i reali long time no cry le. *shiok*
Havin a bad headche nw..mayb due to under the hot sun for too long keyin figs on my electronic stats board. Paige and me sweatin me like mad. Tryin to fig out the remote ctrl and sensor...we managed to key in fig but duno y system error, figs kept fadin on off the panel screen..arghhhhhh..FED UP! But figs were thea and we told Asst Mgr the prob..glad he ming bai. Once rain stopped..we had to do so if nt Asst mgr will bug us..his concern scared MD walked past and see hw come board fixed le no results. It was raining heavily and i so wanna dashed out office and felt the rain beatin on me.. *unbearable torture in me* Mayb i can wake up my senses!
Ppl who duno me will tink hw come my life always so drama and reali DRAMA? I hav no ctrl if wanna mould me into more independent and strong oso dun lidat can. reali tink my lvl of takin hardships reali can exceed my means. I am jus a simple and normal human being. Buddhist studies conclude - the more hardship a person goes thru, he/she will reap more in future and become an even successful icon. I truly hope so..i still hav long journey ahead..and who noes when i gonna leave this world..so unpredictable!
Recently reali no mood..vexed over my sch study loan..tried many banks,many legal ways of finance either processing or rejected. Nt dat i wanna all dis to happen, jus plain swayness ba. Rite nw i jus hope faster resolved my study loan and LL i hav to continue study if nt i would be paying DBS bank mthly like the biggest fool on earth! Nw fingers crossed on RHB bank. - Ya nt proud to say - but ya I was one of the affected Brookes Student. Cant blame Feli though she kept sayin sorry to me..LL mus continue my studies @ SMA. They absorbed my $20K sch fees frm Brookes and i gotta top up 5k+ for the remaining cse fees. When i saw the news on TV, i dint cry @ all, jus felt dat hav to face reality. I dint bother to file suit cos waste time and $. I do nt hav dat kind of $$ either. I dint wana my parents to worry so i jus LL suck thumb undergo this myself. My close dearies all in the loop le..i dun intend tell any1 but bottled up reali xingku =( Thanks guys for listenin to me and showin concern! Reali appreciate it!
Long time i dint reali cry out..everyone who knew me all deem me as a strong gal. I do agree in the 1st place. I always tot hee haa in office wif ppl ard me and work would go on frm thea! I wont bring my probs to work de, dun wan affect ppl ard me. Since my ex boss left, my dept morale had been DWN DWN DWN! Partly cos of my Asst Mgr Mr guncheong - everything he would ask us, even simple stuffs. Haiz. Dat dae even colleagues buay tahan him and so-called sent him an email to voice out our dept was like a plate of scattered sand nw..for those workin on par at site de. I was not involved. I even helped to be meditator for 2 of my colleagues - they buay gam each other and dun wish communicate so 1 of them - Paige dint noe wad to do..she went straight to HR mgr..Haiz. Den my Asst Mgr gt screwed up by her. He came bac yelling @ Paige. He forced to open a mtg for my malay engineer and Paige and I would be the so-called "JURY". I dared nt take all credit for prob solved. But i did try to talk to 2 parties and see wads wrong and lucky its resolved nw. I told them we as a team no matter hw mus unite NW..worse throw tables and chairs oso MUS VOICE OUT. Diff ppl hav diff workin methods unless one of them intend to lve here and wont see each other again. Hurhur..they all praised me i had gd interpersonal skills..=.= They thanked me for helpin me to voice out their tots and feelings and i told them no more nxt time!
Yest ..duno wad happened...v emo.. shld hav gt used to answerin phone calls frm banks saying loan nt approved, needa another guarantor etc..........but somehw i felt the most urge to cry yest. Buried myself @ work. Recently got 1 batam colleague transferred bac to my office time being - his name was Helmi, 34 yrs old short and bb face. cannot reali say he v irritating and kept disturbing me..but well he oso can tell i tryin v hard to entertain him! Uncle Jarn noe i fan findin guarantor for my cse dats all he noes..he gt reasons cant help me if nt he sure help..he told Helmi - they gd frens ma..Helmi heard le came towards to help me..touched by this act. I duno him well he oso willingly to help. Mayb i ren yuan hao..nw he is the standby guarantor..last resort le.
Classes @ SMA had started on 5 oct..total 4 lessons le - Biz Law and Accs. reali cannot get used gg class alone and takin train bac..used to mit Feli and always found her presence very fan cos she would keep repeatin her same old probs abt prep her weddin. Lucky her weddin over le.. and she went to another sch EASB at Henderson Rd. Kinda miss those daes haha!
Duno is fate or wad.. SMA jus behind BRookes..so gotta walk bac the same path to go class. Everytime walked past the empty bldg, made me v emo and wanna cry out. But i told myself to be strong and i needa walk thru thea for the nxt 2yrs +. Can alight @ bugis but ppl traffic alot lor. My new sch admin guy Alfred a very blur one and duno is it i was nt officially enrolled directly - kept on askin me dwn to fill up forms , let me wait and i asked him qns he dint noe hw to ans me - exemption of cses..lucky his colleague a lady Joanne helped me and finally gav me my timetable. Exasperating la! Thanks Susan sis for acc me dwn everytime to face dat guy. I noe she is pissed off too given her gd temper! RHb banker Melvin promised to get bac to me nxt mon/tues. I so called had to plea wif him and he knew abt my case..he said will try my best to appeal for me. Cos i duno y...the bank gt such rule nw - guarantor cant be 60 yrs and above? My dad jus nice 60 le. Haiz. Ya i told him to be my guarantor..- nt to let him worry i told him i completed my 1st lvl of studies..so i needa top up $ to further on.. Sorry for lyin instead i dun wish to see his worried face. he recently nt feelin well oso! I do nt wish to borrow $ frm him cos he oredi helpin my bro to pay his cse fees - every 3 mths 3k+. I tink he still hav the ability to help me with my 5k+ but i do nt wish to reali make him worry lo..( Thanks Biaomei for comin fwd to help me with being my guarantor though we knew chances v low.) So nw hav to wait haiz.
Sorry i blogged pcs and thea cos feeling v emo while writin. Bear with it! I worked till 8pm den reached hm.
Listenin to my mp3 kept on repeating the song - Ban Qing Ge (1 of the theme song frm taiwan drama show- ming zong zu ding wo ai ni) kept ringing in both my ears. Sad song and made me teared quietly in cab on my way hm. Brookes incident i dint cry jus felt worried and wu nai though i dint show it out when meetin up wif frens or wad. Nvr took dinner..jus kept on listening to my mp3 and cried myself to zzzz. My sis was shocked to see in dis state. she more or less noe y i cryin la..but she dared nt come and ask me. So sweet of her to sms me jus nw sayin can try other banks and thanks for her concern. Everyone wana help but all *helpless*. Its ok i jus blame myself dats all to get myself in dis hell hole! Even loan approved, gt additional 300+ to pay to bank. Lucky my salary finally hit 2 le..if nt i reali duno hw. Hav to b reali frugal and well if i needa attend class, got assignments..dun tink i hav time to hiao and shop @ all le.
You all mus b curious abt HIM2 updates rite? Been mths i nvr mention him ! everytime tok abt him damn long entries and mei wan mei liao! Time flies..me n his saga been 1yr+ le..nope we still no time to mit up and reali spend time. Sometimes i jus try my luck sms him to come and see me ..he reali try his best and stay awhile only. And i hated dis..cos his walke talkie would keep on beepin and callin him! He started to spare a tot for my feelings and wont anyhw throw temper on me when he felt pek chek or nt enugh zz.. All dis add up to : he reali stopped treatin me dis way!
So many times, i tried to end this rs..jus let him work and be bz..and i jus move on frm thea. We dint offically get togther so i guess no need a formal closure. Many times i jus pretended to agitate him and be demanding so dat i can piss him off..he would still explain to me and so called giv in to me. Given his temper..he would hav bo chup me. time to mit up and etc..after dis 1 yr +, he shld noe i wont giv in to dat at all. Diff ppl hav diff pts of views and seein things @ diff angles. I cannot stop him or any of U to tink wad kind of guy he was..and wad he wanna frm me - physical or emotional bal.. haiz. Gt few times i so wanna see him and asked him to send me hm so dat i can hug him for the last time w/o tellin him anything..So drama rite? hurhur but seriously he had donated his time to work. I even dreaded gg to work cos only weekdaes i can see or sms him! Esp when so many things had happened.
I was quite taken aback to see him2 reply :his temper..its reali a turn off for me..but nw.. well....its weird hw rs works in dis way!
Ok since i tink shld be safe to write here..
His direct reply :
Besides he unknowingly likes me, all along he respects me as a woman..he gt ever tink its ok for us to get into dat intimate rs cos unknowinlgy we togther 1yr+..for a norm rs - its norm to hav it le..but i told him we are nt official togther. And he wont need to waste time on me..jus find some1 who would willing to hav this kind of wu dong with him ba. He said he knew all along dats y he nvr ever brot up this to me..and till nw..he dint noe he fell for me and rather dun bring up this cos he do nt wan lose me as a fren or wad..he dint say..*luan rite* he told me he knew my character by nw dats y, if he reali wanna, he could hav easily find time and make effort to spend more time on me and things may happen unnaturally /naturally. Frm my pt of pessimistic view..some guys can reali wait long to bed a gal or wanna possess her in his fan wei be it wad kind of possession -fling/ affair/ ai mei .. to him - v direct he told me - if 1 dae i ever wanna frm him, he would b v happy to comply. I told him the dae would nvr come and he said yes he knew it and jus wana cherish this rs cos we wont noe wad would happen. I try to tell him i v tired and wanna end. He said he had prep himself dat by the time i noe new guys or gt myself a bf..he b happy for me too..but still tinkin i would still hav feelings for him.
My guy frens view : him2 reali liked me..no norm guy can wait dat long ..somemore work so taxin no pt bring himself extra trouble and he reali unknowingly show his temper to me cos he reali treat me as his gf. No time or dun wan commit further scared he sinked further or wad..is a big ? they told me given a norm rs i am ok to be with him..given nw..they worried for me n him oso! cos the way him2 behaved expected me to understand his job schedule etc..besides the i am nt the official gal la. but be thea for him! They even joked..which guy wont like me if they reali can dong qing lidat... My ex so xingfu to hav me for so long...ya cos i am a stupid woman ma! =S
Gal frens pt of view - nah he jus wanna bed me..no loss ma..waiting for rite time..so bz of cos no time la..but they oso agreed him2 reali fell for me and v selfish for him to hav best of both worlds to bal his life. Dun wanna me to get hurt but since i agreed to let this rs develop..i am oredi slowly bruised..lucky i oso dint make much effort...but feeling itself oredi kills me no nid mention deep love or wad. Will come to a stop no worries! I WILL! *tired*
Mayb i gt intention to reali wanna let go..it jus came suddenly frm me this kind of bewildered action like wad i did to my ex. Mayb I use wrong approach on him2 le.
I called him on thu...1st ring he answered..i straightaway asked -reali so bz ar? y nvr reply my sms and asked can send me hm ma..he said nt able to cos he needa send workers bac daily to quarters duno wad time can go hm. i jus lamented ok noted.. i brave rite..even i jus jia jia b demanding...i tot wanna piss him off and say bye frm thea. I told him no reply sms, no call me, no mit me, no send me...jus get bz..and b4 i called him - i asked am i still his dear anot.. i forced him to giv me ans on phone..he kept quiet den said nt convenient to talk , he in office..ya i heard ppl talkin to him abt work. I noe he quite pek chek but he jus tahan my nonsense. He den told me calmly he workin ma..so noisy hw to call me and reply me when he kept travellin in his pickup..mtg , inspection etc..i say cos he manager ma..so many things to see to somemore he those type of responsible worker..cant help lo. Everytime he said sorry cos of work i be so pissed off..duno y..even he gt real proof show me his schedule! I asked is it i am the "xiao" de den being treated this way.. he oso kept quiet! Jus assured me dun tink so much..wth la..i dun wan hear dis!
I noe i am being difficult to him but i needa be lidat if nt i b xing ruan again. Sobz. He told me he would call me bac..i said he wont de la and no nid..go get bz ba..
To my surprise..he dropped me a sms to say he sorry and he reali hav additional tasks nw, time is even tight no time he can squeeze time for me nt dat he dun wana. Den i replied its ok go work ba. And HE REALI CALLED ME BAC AND WHEN I HELLO - HE SAID to me in a v gentle tone : I REALI WORKIN LA..DUN BE LIDAT K..I NT IGNORIN OR AVOIDIN U LA.SEE I CAN CALL BAC I WILL AND I NT BEING HOSTLE TO ME AT ALL LA.he said V fan and i added fuel - so U TINK I FAN LA..WITH THOSE SMS AND TAXIN HIM WIF HIS BZ LIFE..he said no la he recently nt in gd mood la cos of work ..many probs @ site. If he dun care..y he bother to call bac? Den duno wad he wanna say..he den kept quiet den some1 callled him again..i jus said i am gg hm le.. On my way to mit Susan for dinner.. i kept tinkin wad he wana tell me..y he felt so apologetic suddenly..i jus let it be..feelin puzzled.
Yest somethin happened again..i oredi dun feel gd and v bz le.. as usual i sms him morning..dis 2 mths i oredi cut dwn alot on sms-ing him..i wanna this habit to diminish soon.. hard on me le. I shld reali stop for fear he reali sink further.. i always dun tink i hav such effect on him de and he wont like me so much oso. wadever la.. He sms me abt work so i replied only work come find me den i called him and he needed help for his campaign.. he sounded v sian and jus told me wad his concept was -i told him i needed a sample to see he jus said its ok den he find other ways. Den he said he bz cannot talk le..i oso dun intend to talk more. *awkward silence*and i put dwn the phone.
Ard evening..i called him at 5plus..2nd ring oso nvr ans..so i sms wad time go hm i will stay late etc..he replied cant ans call, mtg @ 6pm..anythin impt. Den i told him sorry to disturb jus wanna noe he still need help and can send me hm ma..
Guess wad...he sms me - i reali duno wana cry or feel happy about this.
His reply : when i see this.. i tahan till i gt in cab den cry out..haiz. Though i am alone in office. I cannot take it anymore + sch stuffs.. tired and taxin everydae waitin for bank /sch to call me.
HIS REPLY WAS : OF COS I AM IRRITATED COS U NT UNDERSTANDIN WAD..I REALI BZ WIF WORK. CALL TWICE I REJECT UR CALL AND STILL CALL/SMS ..I REALI HAVIN TOUGH TIME PREP FOR STUPID MTG AND SO TIRED LE..UR CONSTANT CONCERN WAS OK INITIALLY AND I FELT TOUCHED. BUT WHEN I ANS UR SMS U START TO FLOOD MSGS.(which i dint le..only sms him wrong time again ma)! HERE IS AN EG. I REPLY A WORD U SAY I DAO OR GIV COMMENTS..DUN REPLY U AT ALL REALI HARD TO REPLY LAGI WORST..U WILL SAY I IGNORE U. HW..U TELL ME WAD TO DO LA..SIGH..THE TRUTH ALWAYS HURT ALRIGHT. I TRY TALKIN NICELY TO U LE..U SEEM SO BO CHUP!
my reply :
i noe u nt gd mood recently cos i noe u bz with many things.. oredi nt enugh rest..i oso dun sms u alot nw..noein u jus recovered frm fever and gan mao..i only can say take care. And u mus get this - i only can sms u during office hrs when u the most busy..reply 1 word i noe u bad mood or damn bz and i b worried cos u always told me u got back stabbed etc.......mayb my approach was wrong..too guncheong over U le.
i called 2 times cos i jus wanna ask can send me hm ma( i plan to say end again, of cos he duno la, b4 he sinked further, i will be the bad guy). I may call/sms wrong time again and i wanna say sorry! I commented on those dun mean de cos mayb i nt feelin v gd oso. Y u so worked up over wad u shld do for me dear? If u reali find me irrtitatin and wanna end i will accept ur decision..i will still suppt u at work- sorry again.. he nvr reply le..went for mtg le..i bad mood so i bo chup oso.
Below dis: he dint noe - jus my tots..I even edit his name in my hp frm dear dear(dat time so stupid still ask him for permission to put his name as dear, and he said can y nt?) to jus his name le..this long dream i somehw hav to wake up soon le.
U sometimes left me thea feelin so mo ming qi miao.. can come suddenly and see me reali 10 mins lidat oso gd.. den always dun talk since we are alone only..can jus say u come see me ..y say u come report to me le =.= den u can jus stand thea lookin @ me work and reali stood thea till i try find somethin to tok to U. U dun dare come beside me giv me a quick hug or hold my hands..den u reali come and jus stand thea..weird rite? I told U i gg mini mart buy mineral water..after u left..i came out and saw ur pickup..U were wif ur worker..u could hav drive off and say bb to me..U funny lo..saw me tokin to my office boi and got off to say hi to him. Den gt ppl ard ma..office boi walked off..u asked me some weird stuffs like - this bldg the chairs/tables can take ma..cos reno ma..he wanna those.. i looked @ him blur blur and said hav to ask shipyard side ba..den he said ok thanks and went bac to his pickup. I walked alone to mini mart..came bac still see him ard in his pick up wif his worker..talkin..den when i walked past , he scrolled dwn window and said bye eh u bac le.. I was blur and said huh u still here tot u left le..and he jus smiled @ me. I went bac office sms him is it waitin for me..he jus replied wad u tink ar and commented my bac view v nice le with my long hair swayin like mtv. =__=
Dat dae more funny - u came suddenly told me u were smelly and bz at site...so bz..but u popped by say hi and to see me.. ya i was happy to see U. I offered u wet tissues to clean up..u said lidat den MAN ma.. =.= den i jus stared @ u askin u to use la..and u guai guai wiped ur face and den u asked for 1 more to clean ur hands.. U said u like my office cos always gt nice smell and can take a breather and can talk to me..U nvr talk lo..hurhur..our eyes talked ba. Den i commented lucky i dun come near U..so smelly and dirty...u so zai yi for wad ? B4 u left..i bu xiao xin bio dao u bu she de leave le..stood @ my door thea..lookin @ me again..i jus acted ignorant lo..den u came bac wanna shake hands with me..is this so called hold my hands ar? U asked me to reali take care of myself..dun overwork myself ..wad all dis imply? *confused* is this ur so-called unknowingly do stupid things which u nt aware oso!
I gonna be the bad guy soon..i cant write u a letter..cant bomb ur sms with so much i wanna say..where and hw can i channel all this to u ar? hw would u feel after i voiced out? I seriously dint expect things would turn out lidat. Play bois /jerks seen alot le..but U reali exceptional lo! When U voice out..i choose to hav doubts and dun wana believe u 100% for fear i cannot b rational..so i always kept remindin myself - u jus wanna bed me on X dae and after dat u gonna move on with ur life be it another woman will surface..its none of my biz anymore. Dis whole thing shld cum to an end le..1yr+ as my float to reply on is reali gd enugh ! Time to move on since i oso forgotten abt him1 totali le.
My biz law lecturer expected us to pass cos he mentioned only a moron would fail his paper..no 1 ever let him dwn..jus pass he oso happy cos we working adults. My class mostly xmms and xdds and 1 auntie..all seemed so determined to get dat cert lo. I even felt the stress nw and he liked to ask us tricky random qns..i nt a very studious person but wad to do..jus pass 1 time pain gotta get it done!
Todae woke up at 5pm..sorry Ah Na i reali wanna be left alone and dun wish tok to any1 le..duno y i woke up cryin again..and decide to blog all dis dwn! Its jus my tots and i hav bottled up real long. I dun wish to make it like i am so ke lian nw and expected anyone to empathsie besides me n him2 part le..cryin like a water tap for few hrs..gonna go bac to my books. I tink i oso no voice to talk oso. Thanks dad for helpin me da bao..1st meal of the dae. And ya i lost 1kg if my weighin scale still works. I felt so sorry Dearies for bringing me ard to eat and helped me gain weight ..but nw i hav to disappoint u all le..no need feed me for nw..no appetite as long as my bank loan nt settled. Will still try other banks ..ya la try try try until no way out!
I oso duno hw i can cheer myself for nw..i noe Tiff , Ah Na and even Uncle Vin missed me cos norm weekends i be over spendin time wif them..but todae i jus wanna be left alone. Sorry dearies..i hope to tide thru this myself..since I am a strong gal..i believe i can do dis! Needs time..8yrs + rs oso jus passed and i moved on..sch incident made me even wanna study harder - pumpin in my reali hard earned $ , @ work try my best to accede to all requests..wad more ..? I am clueless for nw!
Yesh v emo - rs failed, studies failed, even as a daughter oso failed to giv my parents any comfort for nw..and age is catchin up with me..if there is this guy out thea who reali loves me and treats me well in 3 yrs time frame..i will jus marry him ba be it i love him anot ..of cos mus b pleasant lookin and can click with me in a way.. I can giv my parents grand children as a jiao dai..depends on my bro - duno when he b mature enugh given this state nw. After i get my degree and still single..den i only can say i am being an unfillial daughter le..only can provide them with more time and more comforts i can shower them with.
Dat dae outside waiting for Ah Na and family for lunch at Tamp 1..saw a bunch of elderly walked pass me..suddenly I wanna cry and v emo..my parents eventually b lidat oso..joinin those CC 1 dae tour and reflectin wad i hav done for these 28 yrs as a daughter.
But its reali gd to cry it all out nw. Even listen to hip hop i oso can jus cry lidat..i reali long time no cry le. *shiok*
Havin a bad headche nw..mayb due to under the hot sun for too long keyin figs on my electronic stats board. Paige and me sweatin me like mad. Tryin to fig out the remote ctrl and sensor...we managed to key in fig but duno y system error, figs kept fadin on off the panel screen..arghhhhhh..FED UP! But figs were thea and we told Asst Mgr the prob..glad he ming bai. Once rain stopped..we had to do so if nt Asst mgr will bug us..his concern scared MD walked past and see hw come board fixed le no results. It was raining heavily and i so wanna dashed out office and felt the rain beatin on me.. *unbearable torture in me* Mayb i can wake up my senses!
Ppl who duno me will tink hw come my life always so drama and reali DRAMA? I hav no ctrl if wanna mould me into more independent and strong oso dun lidat can. reali tink my lvl of takin hardships reali can exceed my means. I am jus a simple and normal human being. Buddhist studies conclude - the more hardship a person goes thru, he/she will reap more in future and become an even successful icon. I truly hope so..i still hav long journey ahead..and who noes when i gonna leave this world..so unpredictable!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
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