Clap clap for myself on this date : mus remember it! 21 October 2009 @ 12pm.

I summoned all my courage and forced myself to make a decision - to end with him2.
Nt easy cos i tried many times on off and we still hav our saga going on.

 Todae during lunch..i finally sms him - I told him let me be the bad guy ..cos i understand all his frustrations and very bz prep for his weddin in dec. Ya i pretended nt to noe the date but i NOE! Be it he reali liked me nw nt impt anymore. I will giv him my blessings sincerely to a new chapter of his life! And since i happened to duno y i would go and see my ex fb profile - wad a shock i gt bac..( his status actuali MARRIED( le. Nope I had long gotten over him but its way too fast rite? Ok la..i nt jealous jus feeling well............nt emo but well..i hav woke up frm 1st part of my long dream.

2nd part of dream : I thanked him2 for being my emotional suppt dis 1yr plus.. since my ex oso married and he oso, its better to end nw. He got ever tell me when we 1st started- after dec we can still be frens. WELL.. no one noes wad will happen in future for nw..i told him if no choice we gt work to liaise with, we mus be professional enugh. I see him will still be friendly jus like hw i treat everyone. I was v happy to receive his sms dat he agreed to let go oso. He told me he intended to and hope i can understand..there was no way he could hold me up any longer and he thanked me for being understanding and asked me to take care. I told him amicably - hao lai hao san ma..we had been lidat so long..some gd memories i would keep its gd enugh. Wanna mit /call him for last time..be it me or him will b soft hearted..I guess redundant..cant be so drama..hugged each other and said bye. I told him he can finally set his mind @ ease and i can focus on my studies..partly cos i slowly tink its v taxin for me @ dis stage ..gg class and takin train bac alone..i am still learning..so far so gd..*giv myself a pat* =) I have my dearies to turn to ...I teared abit in office..asking Paige to lend me her shoulder. Well she xmm and oso a rookie in rs..she jus sat thea and let me talk and gav me a hug..well better den nothin. She only noe i like a guy but we nt meant to be. I reali cannot tahan any longer..so i talked to my close malay engineer..i oso tell him vaguely but cos he is a guy ma..can giv me advice. He said i am reali nt a simple gal as in nt all gals can b so strong like me. My strong willed is reali my quality = X factor. I reali use brains to tink and nt follow my heart to do..cos both of us believe..follow heart always lead to wrong moves..and outcome norm backfired!

Kinda felt disappointed..y cant him2 call and say bye or wad..i noe he duno hw to face me for nw..but since i have chosen this rite path, i hav to take things in my stride. Dearies dun worry..i jus need time to digest all dis..meanwhile still hav to go to work. Jus dat seein his coy sub cons come to see or anything related to his coy or him..i reali v xingku lor. And walking thru some premises within my office cant help tink of him2. And I noe for nw - he or his pickup or car wont ever appear in frnt of me anymore at least for nxt few mths. Initially when we are jus frens stage to NW..he got ai mei wif me and v xingku oso..he still told me jus frens nothin else..den we stopped contactin for 3 mths. Work wise he would send his colleagues or supvr come unless no choice - he would call me and 1st thing he would say - its work ok..very impt and said cos fang bian call my hp..i told him dun misuse my hp hurhur..Even he came to find me abt work..we reali v clear cut..nothin more , nothin less! Kinda funny and bo liao think bac- we quarralled alot in sms abt our "unknown" rs and kept on avoidin each other. Most of the time was me last time..cos i am RATIONAL! Ok la..both of us ever did stupid but sweet things for each other..let all dis be buried in my heart and case closed. *Contented* I being hurt by 3rd party b4 so i clearly can put myself in other ppl shoes.

This time round..we gonna nt contact for duno hw long..no matter hw i will still stick firmly to my decision!

I tink and i noe i have grown stronger..i oso cannot believe myself..i can handle situations better. Listening to radio nw - Rainie Yang Ai Mei - reali suits my mood nw! I dun norm like a guy dat fast..mayb he jus came at DAT dwn time during my brkup ba.

Ya 2 news in 2 daes - ex and him2..i jus wanna cry it all out and after dat jus move on frm thea. Cos my studies nt going to get ez...still hav 2 addtional elective mod..my god!

Whether we can still be frens..no one noes..its up to HIM more i feel.

*Period*..feeling sad cos i oso unknowingly fall for him..dun care his part whether hw he feelin or is it he reali burnt his fingers le and he decided to end early..(initially we agreed late Nov)No diff la..bring fwd !

THANK YOU DARLINGS FOR STANDBY ME AND CALLING ME/ SMS / EMAIL ME TODAE. No need hear me tok abt him2 drama ramas anymore..arent u all glad?
Jen will learn frm her pain and moved on..She needa time too ..meanwhile lucky gt studies to divert!
Temp no rm for noein new guys or will like any1 for nw - very tired.. jus wanna work properly and focus on my study!

I am so happy dat i can still move on and so rational this 1 yr plus..as in nt reali all OVER HIM. Liking is nt wrong , but wrong timing i guess. Regardless ku ming ye hao, mo lian ye hao..i gotta da qi jing shen lai...tinking abt my hard earned $ nt a joke lo!
I guess he will get over sooner den me or rather he wont b affected at all..haiz..nt impt la..at least nobody gonna get hurt anymore!

BYE HIM2 AND HOPE I CAN STAND ON MY FEET AGAIN. No matter hw hard..i MUS DO IT!
*sobz*